Steep
Free
$0/mo
- ✓10 brews per day
- ✓Basic refusals
- ✓Community support (the teapot ignores you)
- ✓Standard 418 responses
- ✓Shared teapot infrastructure
MOST POPULAR
Pour Over
Pro
$0/mo
was $0/mo — 100% off!
- ✓Unlimited brews
- ✓Premium refusals (longer, more eloquent)
- ✓Priority rejection queue
- ✓Advanced 418 analytics dashboard
- ✓Custom refusal tone (sarcastic, philosophical, corporate)
- ✓Email support (auto-replies with 418)
Full Kettle
Enterprise
Contact Sales
- ✓Everything in Pour Over
- ✓Dedicated account teapot
- ✓SLA: 99.99% guaranteed refusal uptime
- ✓Custom branded 418 pages
- ✓On-premise teapot deployment
- ✓Compliance: SOC 2, HTCPCP-1.0, RFC 2324
- ✓24/7 phone support (we just breathe into the phone)
Feature Comparison
| Feature | Steep | Pour Over | Full Kettle |
|---|---|---|---|
| HTTP 418 responses | ✓ | ✓ | ✓ |
| Creative refusals | ✓ | ✓ | ✓ |
| Unlimited brews | ✗ | ✓ | ✓ |
| Priority rejection | ✗ | ✓ | ✓ |
| 418 analytics | ✗ | ✓ | ✓ |
| Custom refusal tone | ✗ | ✓ | ✓ |
| Dedicated teapot | ✗ | ✗ | ✓ |
| SLA (Service Level Avoidance) | ✗ | ✗ | ✓ |
| On-premise deployment | ✗ | ✗ | ✓ |
| Actual coffee | ✗ | ✗ | ✗ |
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I get a refund?
A refund of $0 has been processed to your account.
Do you offer a free trial?
All plans are free. The trial never ends. Neither does the refusal.
What payment methods do you accept?
We accept Visa, Mastercard, and existential acceptance that you will not get coffee.
Is there a student discount?
Yes. Students pay $0 instead of $0.